I was working with an executive coaching client last week. We have been working together for a year or so, and I have noticed lately how much he has shifted his, shall we say, “areas of opportunity” behaviors. His less stellar stuff.
At his worst, in group conversations, I have seen him exhibit some defensive or controlling personality traits. When challenged, I have seen him double down, put up a wall, and interrupt others who might not see things his way.
I realized during our session that I have not seen that in a while in him in the groups I have an opportunity to witness. In fact, I’ve seen quite the opposite. I now often see him listening, asking generous questions borne of authentic curiosity, and reacting with space and openness to differing opinions.
I told him that I have been seeing these things, and I asked if he has been conscious of these shifts. He said he has noticed, and he has received positive feedback from others who have noticed as well.
These changes don’t happen all at once. This client has been on a journey that included a terrific coach before our work began. I always encourage clients to shift a less-desired behavior by 6-8%, noting that people will often notice that seemingly small pivot. And that type of change in an engrained trait or persona is extremely meaningful. In fact, making it black and white — I’m either totally open or totally closed — makes any change in a core pattern pretty daunting.
I loved that my client noticed these changes, and I am aware that his colleagues are seeing it too. Hooray for him.
As we talked about this behavioral change, it struck me that his entire energy felt different. He was and has been feeling calmer, more relaxed, more flexible, less stressed. He felt more balanced in his life, a goal he had set at the start of our work together.
Now, usually when balance comes up, I think about balance between work and life (a construct I don’t really buy, for what it’s worth). But I realized in speaking to him that he had created some internal, personal balance for himself. The behavioral changes were, in my view, both a cause and an effect of those interior changes. And his “inside job” was making his work easier, but also his life more generally easier.
Because this part of the shift was sparked by work, I’m naming this work-work balance. Finding a different, more easeful, way for a person to engage in work so that overall life feels easier. He has the same demanding job, the same team and peer group, and a seemingly more conscious way of managing it all.
It’s worth noting that to change work-work balance, nothing outside you needs to change. Same facts, new context.
Rah!
NB: In my work, I think of core personality patterns as held together by one or more personas. There is a marvelous chapter on personas in our new book Leader Coach: Scaling Conscious Leadership at Work.
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